Post by jade on Aug 20, 2012 0:27:55 GMT -5
The lab is cold. Not unbearably cold, but still cold enough for people to wear a light sweater when they're in here. It's how I keep most places I'm in. My core body temperature runs a few degrees lower than most normal people. While I don't have to wear a suit like my father, I still need it to be somewhat chilly. Extreme heat is quite uncomfortable for me, more so than for normal people. So, the lab sits a bit on the cold side. People used to complain, but when they realized that I wasn't changing the temperature, well, they adapted. It's my lab, after all and the temperature is perfect for me.
After all, I did grow up in the cold.
I tuck a stray strand of hair back behind my ear, blue eyes fixated on the vial in front of me. This is the tenth sample I'm prepping for a run through the machine today and I'm hoping this one will have what I'm looking for. That mystery peak. For a brief moment, my eyes flicker from the vial over to Snowflake, who's perched on my shoulder. After all she's been through, she's earned some time out of her cage.
"What do you think, hrm?" I ask the small mouse. Just last week, she was near death. Maybe a month at most. Then, she was one of the lucky ones to get the sample with the mystery ingredient. "Do you think this one will be the one?"
She let's out a small squeak and I simply nod before turning my attention back to the sample. The sample, as mentioned before, is the tenth one we've run today in hopes of finding the mystery ingredient, protein, sugar, whatever it is that was added to a test sample that caused the inoperable tumors in Snowflake, and the other mice in her test group, to shrink down to an operable size. Not an overall cure, but a viable alternative to radiation and chemotherapy. Something that could target the tumor cells directly and not kill of the healthy ones in the body. We were able to remove the tumors from Snowflake and she seems fine now. She's being monitored for side effects, but so far, outside of a healthy appetite, there seems to be none.
So, of course, the sample had to be recreated. When I tried to recreate the sample that had worked so well in Snowflake, however, it didn't work. I added all the same ingredients, followed the same procedures to the letter and still, no results. It didn't take long to figure out that the sample had been contaminated with something and since it wasn't a normal ingredient or a variable that I was trying out, there was no documentation of what it could be. None.
That would be my luck, wouldn't it?
We've cleaned the lab thoroughly, pulling out anything and everything that could've served as a contaminant. Now, it's just a matter of working down the list. It's not a short list either.
I add the final standard ingredients to the sample vial before adding the contaminant to be tested in this particular sample. Once the contaminant is added, I pause a moment and make a note of it in my notebook. I still keep a traditional notebook. Never know when a virus will sweep through and eat up important data. Just like I keep digital copies of everything as well, just in case that proverbial fire sweeps through. Anyhow..
With the contaminant added, I hold up the vial for Snowflake's approval. She sniffs at it for a moment and I take that as a sign she's giving her blessing or something of the sort. That done, I do the final steps in prepping it for the gas chromatograph/mass spectrometer. When the sample's ready, I take a moment to make sure the machine is set and ready. After everything gets a nod of approval, I inject the sample into the machine.
"Now we wait.." I say, shrugging lightly as I set the syringe down before plucking Snowflake off my shoulder. Reaching into the pocket of my lab coat, I pull out a peanut for her to munch on. She takes it happily and munches as I place her back in her cage. It'll take a good hour or longer for the sample to run and results to come through and I know if I sit and stare at the screen, well, then the hour will seem like five.
I stare for a moment at the machine, almost as if I'm trying to will it to give me the results I need, but I know it's out of my hands now. Letting out a soft sigh, my eyes flicker from the machine over to a small snow globe that sits on my desk in the corner of my lab. It's an old snow globe. A small, sad smile comes to my lips as I cross the room. Fingers lightly touch the top of the snow globe before I pick it up off my desk. The snow still falls around the dancing figure in the center. For a moment, I can hear the echo of her laughter mixed with mine as the memory of her twirling me around the living room as we danced to whatever came on the radio came to the forefront.
It is a good memory. A good one among others that aren't so good.
"Wish me luck, mom."
She died when I was five. There's not a whole lot I remember. Most of it is just brief flashes. Bits and pieces. Mostly emotions. She was sad. Tried to hide it when I was around, but there was always a touch of sadness in her smiles. Looking back on it, I think she knew she was dying. I'd like to think that her sadness stemmed from the fact that she wouldn't be around for a good chunk of my life. That she wouldn't be there for my first prom, to help me pick out wedding dresses, to see me graduate from college, so on and so forth. And while that may of been a piece of it, there was more there that remained and still remains a mystery to me.
Almost as if she was scared to leave me with my father. As if I would need some sort of protection from him. It's a weird thought, to say the least, especially considering that my father ended up sending me to boarding school when I turned twelve.
Though, again, the circumstances surrounding that were a bit, weird. I was told it was for my own good. That the school would give me a better education than I could find locally. There were things, though, that didn't add up. The big one being my father just disappearing after that. I'd get the occasional care package for a few years after that, but even those stopped coming after a while.
He'd gone into a deep depression after my mother died. He wasn't much of an emotional person before. His cold nature, the cryosuit, just..all of that making it hard for him to convey emotion. After mom died, though, it got worse. It was as if he had lost his heart completely. Nothing I did seemed to make him happy. He never said it to my face, but, I think I reminded him too much of my mother. I think he wanted to be there for me, give me the best but he just didn't know how to do that without my mother there to guide him. Not that I'll ever know.
I don't even know if he's still alive. I haven't received anything letting me know one way or another. Sure, the care packages stopped, but that doesn't mean anything. There are plenty of reasons for that. I've moved. I've outgrown the idea of a care package. He doesn't think I need them anymore. The list goes on.
His death is towards the bottom of that list. Granted, it's still on there. If he is alive though, I wouldn't know where to start looking. I don't have any plans to do such a thing, though, at least not now.
He would have to make the first move. Something to let me know that he was ready to bring me back into his life. If he were still alive that is..
Mystery upon mystery...
I let out a soft sigh and tilt my head a little, still looking at the dancing figure in the snow globe for a little bit longer before I set the snow globe back down on my desk. I give the globe a small tap before making my way out of the lab. The sample will take at the very least an hour to run. Plenty of time to grab a bite to eat and take care of a few errands.
Hopefully I'll come back to good news.
After all, I did grow up in the cold.
I tuck a stray strand of hair back behind my ear, blue eyes fixated on the vial in front of me. This is the tenth sample I'm prepping for a run through the machine today and I'm hoping this one will have what I'm looking for. That mystery peak. For a brief moment, my eyes flicker from the vial over to Snowflake, who's perched on my shoulder. After all she's been through, she's earned some time out of her cage.
"What do you think, hrm?" I ask the small mouse. Just last week, she was near death. Maybe a month at most. Then, she was one of the lucky ones to get the sample with the mystery ingredient. "Do you think this one will be the one?"
She let's out a small squeak and I simply nod before turning my attention back to the sample. The sample, as mentioned before, is the tenth one we've run today in hopes of finding the mystery ingredient, protein, sugar, whatever it is that was added to a test sample that caused the inoperable tumors in Snowflake, and the other mice in her test group, to shrink down to an operable size. Not an overall cure, but a viable alternative to radiation and chemotherapy. Something that could target the tumor cells directly and not kill of the healthy ones in the body. We were able to remove the tumors from Snowflake and she seems fine now. She's being monitored for side effects, but so far, outside of a healthy appetite, there seems to be none.
So, of course, the sample had to be recreated. When I tried to recreate the sample that had worked so well in Snowflake, however, it didn't work. I added all the same ingredients, followed the same procedures to the letter and still, no results. It didn't take long to figure out that the sample had been contaminated with something and since it wasn't a normal ingredient or a variable that I was trying out, there was no documentation of what it could be. None.
That would be my luck, wouldn't it?
We've cleaned the lab thoroughly, pulling out anything and everything that could've served as a contaminant. Now, it's just a matter of working down the list. It's not a short list either.
I add the final standard ingredients to the sample vial before adding the contaminant to be tested in this particular sample. Once the contaminant is added, I pause a moment and make a note of it in my notebook. I still keep a traditional notebook. Never know when a virus will sweep through and eat up important data. Just like I keep digital copies of everything as well, just in case that proverbial fire sweeps through. Anyhow..
With the contaminant added, I hold up the vial for Snowflake's approval. She sniffs at it for a moment and I take that as a sign she's giving her blessing or something of the sort. That done, I do the final steps in prepping it for the gas chromatograph/mass spectrometer. When the sample's ready, I take a moment to make sure the machine is set and ready. After everything gets a nod of approval, I inject the sample into the machine.
"Now we wait.." I say, shrugging lightly as I set the syringe down before plucking Snowflake off my shoulder. Reaching into the pocket of my lab coat, I pull out a peanut for her to munch on. She takes it happily and munches as I place her back in her cage. It'll take a good hour or longer for the sample to run and results to come through and I know if I sit and stare at the screen, well, then the hour will seem like five.
I stare for a moment at the machine, almost as if I'm trying to will it to give me the results I need, but I know it's out of my hands now. Letting out a soft sigh, my eyes flicker from the machine over to a small snow globe that sits on my desk in the corner of my lab. It's an old snow globe. A small, sad smile comes to my lips as I cross the room. Fingers lightly touch the top of the snow globe before I pick it up off my desk. The snow still falls around the dancing figure in the center. For a moment, I can hear the echo of her laughter mixed with mine as the memory of her twirling me around the living room as we danced to whatever came on the radio came to the forefront.
It is a good memory. A good one among others that aren't so good.
"Wish me luck, mom."
She died when I was five. There's not a whole lot I remember. Most of it is just brief flashes. Bits and pieces. Mostly emotions. She was sad. Tried to hide it when I was around, but there was always a touch of sadness in her smiles. Looking back on it, I think she knew she was dying. I'd like to think that her sadness stemmed from the fact that she wouldn't be around for a good chunk of my life. That she wouldn't be there for my first prom, to help me pick out wedding dresses, to see me graduate from college, so on and so forth. And while that may of been a piece of it, there was more there that remained and still remains a mystery to me.
Almost as if she was scared to leave me with my father. As if I would need some sort of protection from him. It's a weird thought, to say the least, especially considering that my father ended up sending me to boarding school when I turned twelve.
Though, again, the circumstances surrounding that were a bit, weird. I was told it was for my own good. That the school would give me a better education than I could find locally. There were things, though, that didn't add up. The big one being my father just disappearing after that. I'd get the occasional care package for a few years after that, but even those stopped coming after a while.
He'd gone into a deep depression after my mother died. He wasn't much of an emotional person before. His cold nature, the cryosuit, just..all of that making it hard for him to convey emotion. After mom died, though, it got worse. It was as if he had lost his heart completely. Nothing I did seemed to make him happy. He never said it to my face, but, I think I reminded him too much of my mother. I think he wanted to be there for me, give me the best but he just didn't know how to do that without my mother there to guide him. Not that I'll ever know.
I don't even know if he's still alive. I haven't received anything letting me know one way or another. Sure, the care packages stopped, but that doesn't mean anything. There are plenty of reasons for that. I've moved. I've outgrown the idea of a care package. He doesn't think I need them anymore. The list goes on.
His death is towards the bottom of that list. Granted, it's still on there. If he is alive though, I wouldn't know where to start looking. I don't have any plans to do such a thing, though, at least not now.
He would have to make the first move. Something to let me know that he was ready to bring me back into his life. If he were still alive that is..
Mystery upon mystery...
I let out a soft sigh and tilt my head a little, still looking at the dancing figure in the snow globe for a little bit longer before I set the snow globe back down on my desk. I give the globe a small tap before making my way out of the lab. The sample will take at the very least an hour to run. Plenty of time to grab a bite to eat and take care of a few errands.
Hopefully I'll come back to good news.